All manner of scifi/fantasy/nerdness: Roleplaying, comic books, .... okay, so mainly just RPGs & comic books. And Dr. Who. And Firefly. And comic books. And role-playing games. And Community. And Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And comic books. And RPGs. And Avengers. And RPGS. And whatever else amuses me today...
I’m not sure if you’re talking about your character or you in real life, but in either case..
Is it sad that my bf and I treat twd as a D&D game? Like when that kid in the first episode died, we just joked that he kept failing his fortitude saves. Rick had higher charisma than Shane did, Michonne and Daryl are multiclass, etc etc. Carol was an NPC that was sent out and more than likely not return, Rick is chaotic good and so on. It’s pretty fun….
So your local lord has set out a small bounty on a group of local bandits.
And save all the towns beautiful women
Wont someone think of the boobies!
Depending on your alignment you could react in very different ways.
This is you.
The helmet of +3 justice
You hear your lords orders and know what you must do. You set out on your trusty steed. Reaching the bandit camp you enter under a white flag and challenge the bandit leader for trail by combat. The bandits attack you on mass, because of course they do their bandits.
You kill the leader and his men quickly surrender. You free the women and they thank you profusely. You shrug it off and say something heroic like “Just doing my duty M’am”
As he fly’s through the air so shall they swoon
As you tie up the evil bandits one of the women stops you and points out a young scared looking boy. “Please don’t hurt him. He was nice to us and brought us food and water. Its not his fault” Being the kind gentleman you are you take pity on the boy and tell him to go back home to his family. He rushes off never to be seen again…
You take everyone back to the keep and collect your reward of gold and a position in the town guard. And happily marry the most beautiful woman in town.
The difference here is that instead of letting the boy go you arrest him along with with the other bandits. You stick to the law and believe that justice is not for you to decide.
Besides that wig looks itchy
You go back to the keep and live a lonely life as a judges footstool.
You barge into camp and slaughter every last evil bandit you can find.
What do we do with evil? Stab it in the face!
The women seem only slightly less afraid of you then they were of the bandits as you mutter about smiting evil. You see them to the edge of town then leave without collecting a reward.
This is you.
Lets just take a moment to appreciate
You swashbuckle your way over to the bandit camp. You introduce yourself and to the leader and you all sit and drink beer around the fire. You mention the bounty and offer to split it with them if they let you take the women back and pretend to be dead. They agree and you head back to collect the reward.
Don’t even pretend, its all about the gold.
You then proceed to sneak out of the city and leave those angry bandits for someone else to deal with.
Instead of leaving the bandits alone you tip the guard off to their location and they are all arrested. You later steal their belongings from the evidence chest.
You can never have too much
You go to the keep to ask about the bounty. You use your roguish charms to seduce the lords daughter. Later that night you steal all her jewelry and double the amount of gold from the bounty. Fuck the bounty you have everything you need already.
You waltz into the bandit camp like you own the place, and you probably do. You set your pack of hellhounds on the bandits and the women scream as they are forced to watch the bandits get torn to shreds. You snap your fingers and your hobgoblin servant rushes to your side. You give him orders to “prepare” the women for you and you expect to see them in your tent after supper.
Because every evil lord needs slave girls.
They wail and beg but you only smile and plan your attack on the city.
You surround the camp at night. The bandits quickly surrender to your greater numbers. You pick out the strongest looking members left alive and tell them they work for you now. You hand them whips and order them to whip their former comrades back to the city for execution. Once there you offer to take the women under your protection, and as a respected member of society they agree. They are never heard from again.
I sense a theme here.
Who needs sanity when you have fire?
You arrive at the camp walk up the leader and tell him he is about to die. He doesn’t take to kindly to these words and draws his sword. You giggle and pull out a red clay jar and throw it right in the middle of the group. It explodes and the bandits are covered flames that you know wont go out.
Yay! Happy murder fireworks!
You dance around their flailing bodies and cackle in glee. When you finally get bored of kicking there charred bones you turn to the women. They shrink back in fear at the madness shining clearly in your eyes. You cut all their throats one by one and sing them a little lullaby from your childhood.
Bed time kids
You start chanting a ritual spell and the lifeless corpses of the women come back to life. You send your new zombie minions back to the keep and wait for your new army to be made.
Because everythings better with zombies
Me to one of my players
Adventures in D&D tonight Highlight of the evening:
Me: ‘He’s bleeding annoying. Let’s just muzzle the idiot, I’ve some spare leather scraps about.
Mir: ‘And I’ve got spare rope. We could just drag him.’
DM intervenes: Well just so it is known, there IS slavery in this world.
Cody: ‘I WILL NOT BE A SLAVE!’
Me: ‘That’s kind of the point of slavery. You don’t get an option. ^^’
We’re terrible people that are terribly funny.
Well you’re half right. And it isn’t the funny half.
Indeed. I fully endorse murder, because I play a barbarian in DnD. I also endorse the drug trade, because I play a drug dealer in my World of Darkness campaign.
I endorse animal cruelty, because I once played an evil druid. I fully support dictators, and Nazism, because I played a racial purity obsessed dictator as my campaign’s villain.
And my warlock? Yep, I totally endorse selling your soul to dark powers. That is something I think everyone should do.
I can hear the exact tone of voice these guys used. It’s black humor. Also, its a fucking game.
When I played my barbarian, I made jokes about ripping people’s spines out. When I played the evil dictator, I made genocide jokes to the elf in the party.
This must mean that I actually want to commit genocide. Surely I should also be punished for my evil ways.
I think you need a lesson in separating reality from fantasy.
You know, at first I thought “You must be new here.” Then I checked and it looks like you’ve been following me for a while. That might not actually be true, but in any case, I’ve decided it doesn’t matter.
a) The name of this blog is LAWFUL GOODNESS, as in LAWFUL GOOD, as in the alignment in dungeon and dragons specifically set up for characters and players devoted to doing the right thing. If folks (either as players or as characters) aren’t doing the right thing, they’re fair fodder for this blog. If that bothers you, you’re welcome to use the door. Preferably this one:
b) If you’re going to be a smug sarcastic grumpy-pants, at least be somewhat clever or funny about it. (Pro-tip: “sarcasm” != “funny”). Any one of your points you could have at least tried to be funny with a meme-generator or a gif or something. This is Tumblr after all. Here, I’ll do it for you.
c) Players shouldn’t be jerks to other players. Whatever your game. Whatever your plot. Don’t be a jerk. PCs shouldn’t be looking for opportunities to screw each other. It should be about having fun; if you’re doing things that actively reduce how much fun another player is having, you’re just awful. Knock it off.
d) Slavery isn’t a joke or a gag or something to snicker about. Neither is racism. Neither is rape. Quite frankly neither is murder. And while any and all of these things may be plot points in an RPG campaign, if you’re making light of them and hiding behind “it’s just a game” then maybe we should try a game of roshambo, since apparently “game” is synonymous with “impossible to generate pain.” And you know what? If every time you get the chance to exercise your imagination you come up with murder and genocide and grimdark spine-ripping, maybe you should consider what your fantasies reveal about how you view reality.
Someone please come get my husband and brother. They are talking about this show like it’s D&D/Pathfinder. Lol I can’t take this. I don’t want to hear about anyone’s constitution or what they would need to roll to get out of whatever predicament they’re in.
How about the gradual transition of Darryl from borderline chaotic evil up the spectrum to neutral good, then back down to chaotic neutral?
You know you’re in for a real hoot when your paladin casts “Detect Evil” and it points to everyone in the party.